Today I deny myself permission. I deny myself permission to feel less, to overthink, to let my thoughts be ruled by damage done by other people. I deny myself permission to doubt or to go against my values. I deny myself permission to drown in grief or mourn in unhealthy ways. I deny myself permission … Continue reading Permission Denied
Category: The Rebuild
The personal journey side of my life. Growth, grief, reinvention, transition, loneliness and learning to live again in a new chapter. These pieces are my reflections from the messy middle, shared in the hope that they meet someone else where they are too.
Permission Granted
Today I give myself permission. I give myself permission to exist wherever I am,to enjoy the air moving around me,to luxuriate in the comfort of my warm bed. I give myself permission to share space with my animals who love me,to be proud of how I take care of my home,to feel OK with being … Continue reading Permission Granted
Two Voices, One Choice: Mine or Not Mine
How Do You Know If You’ve Ended the Day Successfully? This one is dedicated to, well, you know who you are. Thank you. I don’t think you really know if you’ve ended a day successfully until you wake up the next morning. That’s what I realized this week after being thrown into one of those … Continue reading Two Voices, One Choice: Mine or Not Mine
To Hill and Back
This is the story of how I am winning my weight loss battle. And the truth is, a big part of it comes down to moving to Spain. What matters most about that is that it has happened in spite of everything else going on in my life. I moved to Spain for a lot … Continue reading To Hill and Back
The Mirror
On my bathroom mirror there is a blue index card, taped up with regular old invisible tape. The card itself hasn’t faded, but you can see the marks where the tape has been peeled off and stuck back down, because I’ve moved it from mirror to mirror, or sometimes pressed it to another card when … Continue reading The Mirror
Still here.
Today was one of those days, and it has carried over into the night. I’m exhausted, physically and mentally. My limbs feel like they’re filled with wet sand, my brain like it’s running on wine and stress. But before I let the day end, I’m here to say it: I’m still here. Late last year, … Continue reading Still here.
Keeping My Chin High (Even When My Neck Disagrees)
Today was my first full day back at work after the week I’ve had. A meeting, three students, and more coffee than should be legal. My coach reminded me not to let the rough parts outweigh the good ones, so I’m keeping my chin high, or at least as high as my back and neck … Continue reading Keeping My Chin High (Even When My Neck Disagrees)
Yesterday, I fell. Today, I got back up.
You know, I don’t know when I started collecting phrases to survive, but I’ve been doing it for a long time. They go in my journal, on post-its, anytime I have thought or realization that hits hard, I keep it. Affirmations have gotten me through more of midlife than I ever expected to live through. … Continue reading Yesterday, I fell. Today, I got back up.
This Isn’t Strength — It’s Survival
I’m new to blogging. I don’t really know what you’re supposed to share and what’s “too much.” But today, my brain feels like a bag of cats and my chest feels like a lead balloon, so I’m going to write anyway. People keep telling me, “You’re strong. You’ll figure it out. You always do.” And … Continue reading This Isn’t Strength — It’s Survival
Things I can’t change …
I get a daily writing prompt, and today I was asked to describe myself in an alternate universe. Mind you, I have not had any coffee yet and I can smell the fresh bread from the bakery down the street, so … In an alternate universe, my mom and I would have moved to Spain … Continue reading Things I can’t change …
It's Fine, I'm Fine, Everything's Fine 